5 Evidence-Informed Steps to Begin Building Emotional Awareness and Control
In today’s fast-paced world, learning to regulate emotions is no longer just a therapeutic recommendation, it’s a crucial life skill. Whether you're navigating personal stress, work challenges, or relationship tensions, emotional regulation dramatically shapes how you respond to life’s inevitable pressures.
This guide presents a five-step method blending neuroscience, mindfulness, and compassionate psychology. Rooted in evidence-informed practice and clinical insight, it offers a solid foundation for understanding and responding more effectively to your emotional landscape.
Step 1: Build Emotional Awareness to Regulate Emotions Effectively
You can’t regulate what you don’t recognise. So, the first and most essential step in emotional regulation is developing awareness. Interestingly, emotions often arise in the body well before we consciously recognise them. Building this awareness means noticing subtle, early signals.
Recognising how emotions feel physically gives you critical information. For example, a clenched jaw may signal anger, a fluttering stomach might reflect anxiety, and a collapsed posture can be a sign of sadness. These bodily sensations are messengers. By catching them early, you gain the ability to respond thoughtfully, rather than react impulsively.
How to Check in with Emotions Throughout the Day
Start with a micro check-in at least once per day:
What emotion might be present right now?
Where do I feel it in my body? (e.g., tight jaw, stomach tension, chest pressure)
This somatic awareness lets you gently tune in to your inner state without judgement. You can support this new habit by:
Setting phone reminders
Using sticky notes (e.g., “What’s here now?”)
Using apps like Mood Meter or How We Feel
Simple Ways to Make Emotional Awareness a Daily Habit
Incorporate emotional check-ins into your daily rhythm. Consider doing them during transitional moments such as after waking, before meals, or while winding down at night. Over time, this rewires your brain to become more emotionally attuned and responsive.
Step 2: Pause Before Reacting to Regulate Emotions in the Moment
When something triggering happens like a critical comment, a stressful message, or an overwhelming thought, your body enters a reactive state. The nervous system shifts towards fight, flight, or freeze. Introducing a pause interrupts this automatic loop.
The pause is remarkably simple, yet profoundly powerful. It creates space between the trigger and your response, re-engaging your higher brain functions.
Three Quick Techniques to Pause and Reset Emotionally
Take one deep, deliberate breath
Count slowly to five: “One... two... three... four... five.”
Silently say: “Pause, don’t react.”
Why Pausing Helps Your Brain Regulate Emotions
Your brain’s amygdala, its fear centre, reacts quickly to threats. A pause allows your prefrontal cortex, which governs reasoning and regulation, to take back control. Just a few seconds can shift you from reaction to intention.
How to Make the Pause a Natural Response
Initially, you might only notice the need to pause after you’ve reacted. That’s perfectly fine. Each moment of awareness is progress. Over time, the gap between impulse and action will naturally widen.
Step 3: Name Your Emotions to Gain Clarity and Control
Once you’ve paused, naming your emotion provides clarity. This is known as affect labelling, a technique supported by psychology research. By simply naming the feeling, you engage a different brain region that begins to calm the nervous system.
Phrases to Help You Name Your Emotions Clearly
“This is anger.”
“This is shame.”
“This is fear.”
“This is disappointment.”
Even if you’re uncertain, making an educated guess is helpful. Remarkably, this process often brings a sense of relief. Studies have shown that naming emotions reduces activity in the amygdala and enhances the functioning of the prefrontal cortex. This transition empowers better decision-making and emotional balance.
Refine How You Express and Understand Emotions
Begin with basic emotions and then refine. For instance, instead of just “angry,” you may identify “irritated,” “frustrated,” or “betrayed.” Use tools like the Feelings Wheel to build precision in your emotional literacy.
Step 4: Use a Soothing Action to Stay Grounded and Regulate Emotions
After naming the emotion, your nervous system may still be activated. That’s entirely normal. The next step is to take a gentle action that tells your body it’s safe. These actions are not about avoiding or eliminating the emotion but rather soothing your nervous system enough to stay present and grounded.
Fast Soothing Techniques to Calm Your Nervous System
Hold a chilled water bottle or stone
Splash cold water on your face
Move to a quiet, private space
Squeeze your hands tightly, then release
Play a calming piece of music
Find the Right Emotional Regulation Technique for You
Soothing strategies are deeply personal. Some find tactile input calming; others prefer movement or sound. Experiment until you discover techniques that are both accessible and effective in moments of emotional activation.
How Soothing Actions Activate the Vagus Nerve
Soothing actions stimulate the vagus nerve, which activates the parasympathetic nervous system. This promotes rest, slows the heart rate, deepens breathing, and supports your body in restoring balance.
Step 5: Reflect After Emotional Events to Build Self-Regulation Skills
Insight grows in the calm after a storm. Once the emotional wave has passed, be it five minutes or several hours, you’re in a better place to reflect. This is where growth happens.
Why Post-Event Reflection Builds Emotional Insight
As you reflect, you connect dots, spot patterns, and develop emotional fluency. The aim isn’t to dwell or ruminate, but to learn and evolve.
Guided Questions to Reflect and Grow Emotionally
What triggered me?
What emotion was I feeling?
How did I respond?
What might I try differently next time?
Even brief reflection (1–2 minutes) helps build emotional literacy and self-awareness. Writing it down a few times a week strengthens these pathways over time. You might consider keeping a short journal, voice memo, or note in your phone.
Tips to Journal for Emotional Clarity and Growth
Be honest and kind to yourself
Forget about grammar or structure
Write just a few lines, it’s enough
Consistent reflection transforms emotional experiences into teachable moments, helping you regulate more instinctively over time.
Daily Tools to Help You Practise Emotional Regulation
It can be easy to forget these steps in the heat of the moment. Here are some gentle reminders to help integrate them into your daily life:
Visual Reminders That Help Regulate Emotions
A sticky note on your mirror that says: “Pause. Name. Breathe.”
A phone lock screen image with grounding words or imagery
Pair Emotional Check-Ins with Existing Habits
Link emotional check-ins to existing habits, like before meals or right after brushing your teeth.
Try this habit pairing: Before unlocking your phone, pause and ask: “What am I feeling?”
A Simple Journal Template to Track Emotional Growth
Start a "Catch the Spark" journal:
Record one emotional moment each day
When it occurred
What emotion you noticed
What helped soothe it
This journal becomes a map of your emotional landscape and a record of your progress.
Emotional Regulation Is a Skill You Build Not a Test You Pass
One of the most common misconceptions about emotion regulation is that it means never reacting or always staying calm. But that’s not realistic or even healthy. Emotions are part of the human experience. The goal is not perfection, but progress.
Over time, this practice becomes second nature. Think of each step as a rep in the emotional gym. You’re strengthening neural pathways, improving self-awareness, and cultivating the power to choose your responses rather than be driven by them.
Be gentle with yourself. This is deep, transformative work that takes patience. Each pause, breath, and journal entry are a step towards emotional resilience and personal freedom.
